I hate cancer and what it did to us. I hate that you had to suffer so much, I hate that I had to make the decision to sedate you because the pain was too much, I hate that you died right beside me and I couldn't do a god damn thing to change the result. I hate that I think I'm okay and I know I'm not. I cry knowing that I'm killing the orchid that Jane, Bob, Sherri and the team and MAD bought for your funeral, every time a flower falls off I think of you and how you would have kept it alive. I hate that I still don't know how to make some of your best recipes because you were going to teach me and we never got the chance. I hate that cancer invaded our lives in such a way that I feel like someone stole you from me. I hate crying all the time. I hate when people say time will make it better and to give time some time. Time doesn't change a thing, maybe you just learn how to deal with it a bit better but right now it's hard to see this getting any easier. Sometimes when I think of you, a tingle runs through my body and I know you are sitting right there next to me, so maybe that is all I can hold on to. A tingle, a feeling like maybe I am not completely alone.
I love you mummy....and I miss you like crazy.
Love you always