Diagnosis Diary Day 5

I don't have much to say tonight other than we had mum's biopsy today.  Her words..."this is a piece of cake".  And she is doing great.

I'm tired tonight so instead of writing a whole bunch I will just send you the following photos.  I still don't think this is a woman who looks like she has cancer.  Just beautiful!  (we got in trouble for taking pictures in the biopsy recovery room - kinda funny)

One of the lovely nurses that was with mum for her biopsy today told me..."you take her to that wedding tomorrow and you have fun together...that is what is most important".

Enjoy the weekend...We will!

Love Keryn

Diagnosis Diary Day 4

Hi Everyone,

Today was a good day...better than yesterday and tomorrow is going to be better than today.  We got some really good news early this morning...not only were we meeting with the medical oncologist today at 4:30 but we also got scheduled for a biopsy on mum's tumour for tomorrow morning at 9:10 AM.  The Doctors and support staff at Princess Margaret have been totally amazing.  Ian, I and my mum feel like we are in such good hands right now and being cared for in the best possible way!  Dr. Knox (our medical oncologist) has so much experience with Sutent, not only have they been using it in traditional kidney cancer surgery for the past 3 years but she has personally had experience with it for the past 6 years in clinical trials.  When we asked about the side effects of sutent and how they might affect my mum...she just responded..."I will not let her get sick from this...I will adjust the dose".  I have complete faith that we are dealing with a very experienced group of medical professionals who have my mums health and best interest at heart.

Today we also visited Wellspring.  Granted it wasn't everything I expected (my expectations generally are quite hight) it was helpful.  This is going to be a process and it won't always be easy.  We are allowing ourselves to be sad if we want to and enjoying all the moments in between.  For some reason yesterday I didn't feel appropriate to include my mum on my email about her progress.  Today I shared all of the email responses that I received and read them aloud to both mum and Ian as we were driving home from the hospital.  Because they weren't my own words it was easy for me to read them out without getting emotional.  Please feel free to respond back to both mum and I as well as Ian....I find writing helpful and I (we) love to hear back from all of you.

I have decided that it's really important right now to take photos of everything and everywhere.  At first I found it really emotional to take a photo together..but I did take the below photo of mum during a little pit stop on our route and I just thought that it was awesome.  I will always remember the moment that we took the photo...but this does not look like a woman who has just been diagnosed with cancer.  The one thing that they said at Wellsping today was that all photos don't have to be happy photos.  That was hard for me to hear because I think every photo that I have of us is happy, the idea of sad photos just makes me...well...sad.  

I feel like our lives has changed indefinitely for ever, that I won't ever be the same because of this awful news that we have received.  But today I learned that I am still the same person and so is everyone else, we still have the same morals and values and the most awesome family ever.  That will never change...unfortunately the only thing that has changed has been our situation.  But we are still the same people...this hasn't changed us as people...just our situation.  That was big news to me...because I really liked who I was a week ago and I felt like that had changed.   I feel better knowing that I am still the same person, just with a different situation to face.

I am going to end my email by copying some of Jane's favourite things about Nancy....Jane...this made me cry this morning while I read it by myself but then it made me happy and I shared it with my mum.  Thank YOU! 

I love the way Nancy always has her hair and make-up done - and jewelery too.
I love the way Nancy takes 1/2 a bite of a chocolate and if she doesn't like it, she puts it back. Our Indian name for her is "half bite"

I love the way Nancy believes in the good.... and trusts that my boys will turn out fine - because even her crazy Keryn did

I love the Nancy has so many pitches to her voice to express herself. So cute. Sometimes it's deep and grumbly and sometimes it's high and girly but most of the time is warm and friendly and lovely

I love the way Nancy has such a close family and cares so much for all of them.

I love the way Nancy gets enthusiastic about new ideas and adventures.

I love that I can confide in Nancy about anything and she would never betray my confidence or judge me harshly.

I love the way Nancy has been a partner and confident to Sherri, Bob and myself.

I love the way Nancy told our banker that she was "stupid". Coming from Shirley Temple herself who never says a bad thing about anyone!!! Just
adorable. Go Nancy.

I love Nancy's sense of humor and her laugh.

I love hearing Nancy's take on things with respect to people, business, politics - always very insiteful and intelligent.

I love Nancy with all my heart. She has been a friend, a big sister, a mother and partner to me.

Diagnosis Day 3

I have decided to send out a group email to everyone who I would like to keep updated with everything that is going on, and allow you to be part of the process.  It feels easier for me to collect my thoughts at the end of the day and take some time to sit down and put it all on paper to send to all of you.  

Mornings seem to be the hardest right now.  Mum wakes up and it hits her like a tonne of bricks.  She doesn't want to miss out on anything and just the thought of not being here is so so hard to cope with.  This morning we took some time to sit together, have a little cry and overall just feel sorry for ourselves, knowing that this isn't fair and it sucks.  Then we decided that we can't possibly do this all day so we gave ourselves till 9 AM at which point we had to stop crying and make a plan for the day.

We made a list of things that we wanted to accomplish.   Some things were super easy like have a shower and pick up milk, other things were a bit harder like go visit Grandma without falling apart.  Not everything got done today but we still feel like we accomplished a lot.  Having the list seemed to help keep on track.

One thing that was on our list today was to visit Wellspring which is a cancer support network located right downtown in a non hospital setting.  Mum and I called them this morning together and they were just so genuine and calming even over the phone.  It's completely free and offers a number of programs to help people and their families living with cancer.  So we drove by today, that's all...we didn't go in but we think we will tomorrow.  Little steps, day by day.

Check out the website if you are interested  <http://www.wellspring.ca/>

I think many of you already know this but we have decided to go with the clinical trail that was offered to us as an option for treatment.  It seems to be the best option at this time, with an entire medical team who is going to monitor progress every step of the way.  We are going to sign the papers tomorrow to be part of the study and we will have a better understanding of how things will move along.  Once we know more I will let you all know.  Our program coordinator, Davina has been awesome.  Answering every question that we have really quickly and with lots of helpful information.  Davina is the one to thank for getting us an appointment with the medical oncologist, Dr. Knox for tomorrow when the wait period is usually 2-3 weeks.  We also confirmed that mum is covered for the Sutent (the oral drug that is part of her treatment) with her drug plan which was super awesome news.

As the day progressed spirits lifted, right now it's still a huge shock and utterly devastating but I can totally see the fighter inside starting to come out.  She is healthy, in no pain and feels for the most part pretty good (physically) other than being a little bit tired.  There is not a doubt in my mind that her body will respond remarkably well to the therapy.  One thing that I am excited about is focusing on using a nutritional diet and healthy foods right now to help build up her immune system and prepare for the treatment.  I used to see this amazing naturopathic Doctor named Sara who specialized in diet, nutrition, cleansing, acupuncture and homeopathic medicine.  I am going to meet with her on Friday to help get us on track for eating properly and to help with energy levels and overall wellbeing.  I feel like this is something that I can focus on that I understand, that I can do myself easily and doesn't include a lot of medical jargon...which can sometimes be overwhelming to read when you don't have a PHD.

I have the best mum in the whole wide world, she has always been there for me, unconditional love and supporting every decision, never judging and always giving the best advice.  Just as I will do for her.

Thanks for all your support over the past few days.  It means A LOT!!!