Ashes to Ashes

We buried your ashes on Friday December 7, 2012 surrounded by our family.  We buried your ashes with one of your beautiful scarfs that still smelled of you.

Jenn helped me read the following tribute to you that morning....


"I have fought a good fight.  I have finished my course.  I have kept my faith.  The soul that suffers is stronger that the soul that rejoices.  Her mission on earth fulfilled.  Everyone's life is a plan of God.  
Step softly a dream lies buried here.  To act justly, to laugh tenderly, and to walk humbly.  Life is a voyage that is homeward bound.  Step softly for an angel lies here.

Step lightly a dream lies here, Nancy dream, a dream where love never ends and love never dies.  All the impertinent things like sickness and death, grief and pain will eventually pass away leaving only love to remain.
I have found it difficult in the past 9 months to remember our mom, our Nancy in fond loving memories as the sick memories prevailed and were far to close to the surface for too long.

As we bury your ashes here today, let us also bury the sick memories.  We will replace them in our hearts with only the wonderful memories that we have all shared together.
Memories of you as a mother, daughter, as a sister, an aunt, as a wife and as a very true friend.
For those of are the memories I would like to carry with me.

So today we bury your ashes along with the memories of cancer.  The memories of Toronto Western Hospital and Princess Margaret Hospital.
Today we bury the memories of stupid brain surgeons, chemotherapy drugs and radiation.

For I know you would not want us to remember you like that.

From this day forward only the good shall remain.  Only your wisdom and loving nature, only your sound advice and your warm embraces, only your laughter and your calming words.

Today we will close the chapter on grieving to allow only your love into our hearts and into our souls.
To be able to move forward to live a life that you would be proud of for all of us.

For this here, is only your physical being, as your spirit lies in all of us, directing us where to go when we feel lost.
I pray for love and I pray for peace and I pray that no one ever has to feel like we have since you've been gone.

As we remember my mum, our Nancy.  I only wish that we can continue to share our stores of how she touched our lives.
Let us celebrate Nancy life by always telling these stories.  Let love be the story that we carry forward from this place.

I ask you now to close your eyes and imagine that we are all at the sea shore.  It's a place that my mother always loved, she even bought books about it.
I want you to imagine that we are all standing upon the sea shore, the warm wind at our face and the smell of sea salt in the air.  There is a ship at our side, she spreads her her beautiful while sails in the morning breeze and starts off to the blue blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and of strength.  We stand and watch until at last she hangs like a spec of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other.
And someone whispers "there she goes".  Gone where?  Gone from our sight, that is all for she will always be with us in spirit.  And just at that moment when someone said "there she goes" there are other eyes watching her, like guardian angels.  The eyes of Nana and Papa, the eyes of her father, of Joan and Budd, Susan Cross and Dean and everyone who has gone before us.  For they are saying "Here She Comes', and welcoming her with warm embrace.

Mummy I think of you everyday.  Sometimes, if I am lucky enough I see you in my dreams.  Sometimes all I feel is a slight tingle or shiver down my spine and if I stop and pay attention I realize that you haven't gone that far at all.  So please...step lightly for an angel lies buried here.  Rest in peace my dear mum.
We love you always."

Now there is a physical place that we all can go when we feel like you are too far away.  Although we carry your heart and your spirit inside of all of us.
There are two lovely wreaths marking your grave site right now as we wait for the tombstone to be ready.  There is also a little part of you in the Angel on top of the Christmas Tree that we all helped decorate.  We thought you would like it up there for a while.

Love you.