I have decided to send out a group email to everyone who I would like to keep updated with everything that is going on, and allow you to be part of the process. It feels easier for me to collect my thoughts at the end of the day and take some time to sit down and put it all on paper to send to all of you.
Mornings seem to be the hardest right now. Mum wakes up and it hits her like a tonne of bricks. She doesn't want to miss out on anything and just the thought of not being here is so so hard to cope with. This morning we took some time to sit together, have a little cry and overall just feel sorry for ourselves, knowing that this isn't fair and it sucks. Then we decided that we can't possibly do this all day so we gave ourselves till 9 AM at which point we had to stop crying and make a plan for the day.
We made a list of things that we wanted to accomplish. Some things were super easy like have a shower and pick up milk, other things were a bit harder like go visit Grandma without falling apart. Not everything got done today but we still feel like we accomplished a lot. Having the list seemed to help keep on track.
One thing that was on our list today was to visit Wellspring which is a cancer support network located right downtown in a non hospital setting. Mum and I called them this morning together and they were just so genuine and calming even over the phone. It's completely free and offers a number of programs to help people and their families living with cancer. So we drove by today, that's all...we didn't go in but we think we will tomorrow. Little steps, day by day.
Check out the website if you are interested <http://www.wellspring.ca/>
I think many of you already know this but we have decided to go with the clinical trail that was offered to us as an option for treatment. It seems to be the best option at this time, with an entire medical team who is going to monitor progress every step of the way. We are going to sign the papers tomorrow to be part of the study and we will have a better understanding of how things will move along. Once we know more I will let you all know. Our program coordinator, Davina has been awesome. Answering every question that we have really quickly and with lots of helpful information. Davina is the one to thank for getting us an appointment with the medical oncologist, Dr. Knox for tomorrow when the wait period is usually 2-3 weeks. We also confirmed that mum is covered for the Sutent (the oral drug that is part of her treatment) with her drug plan which was super awesome news.
As the day progressed spirits lifted, right now it's still a huge shock and utterly devastating but I can totally see the fighter inside starting to come out. She is healthy, in no pain and feels for the most part pretty good (physically) other than being a little bit tired. There is not a doubt in my mind that her body will respond remarkably well to the therapy. One thing that I am excited about is focusing on using a nutritional diet and healthy foods right now to help build up her immune system and prepare for the treatment. I used to see this amazing naturopathic Doctor named Sara who specialized in diet, nutrition, cleansing, acupuncture and homeopathic medicine. I am going to meet with her on Friday to help get us on track for eating properly and to help with energy levels and overall wellbeing. I feel like this is something that I can focus on that I understand, that I can do myself easily and doesn't include a lot of medical jargon...which can sometimes be overwhelming to read when you don't have a PHD.
I have the best mum in the whole wide world, she has always been there for me, unconditional love and supporting every decision, never judging and always giving the best advice. Just as I will do for her.
Thanks for all your support over the past few days. It means A LOT!!!